All Parts Are Welcome: Beginning My Journey with Internal Family Systems

Over the past several months, I’ve started formal training in Internal Family Systems (IFS), a therapeutic approach that has already been deeply meaningful both for my clients and for myself. While I’ve long believed in meeting people with compassion, IFS has given me a new framework to understand what that really means: that all parts of us are welcome.

IFS starts with the idea that each of us is made up of many “parts.” Some parts are young and vulnerable. Others are protective and try to keep us safe by working hard, avoiding, numbing, or even criticizing. And beneath all those parts is a core Self that is calm, compassionate, curious, and whole.

What I’ve learned in my training so far is not just the theory of IFS, but the practice of being with my own parts. It’s one thing to say we should be kind to ourselves; it’s another to actually notice the part of me that feels scared, or the part that wants to keep pushing forward, and to say, “I see you. You make sense. Thank you for what you’ve been trying to do for me.”

I like to think of my parts as advisors at a conference table, where all of their voices and ideas are valuable. I'm willing to hear each of them out, even if they don't get to run the meeting (because I'm the CEO!).

What Do I Mean When I Talk About “Parts”?

When I say “parts,” I’m talking about the different voices, feelings, or roles inside of us that each serve a purpose — often trying to keep us safe, even if their methods don’t always feel helpful. Here are a few examples:

• The People Pleaser part might push you to always say yes, even when you’re exhausted, because it believes your worth depends on keeping others happy.

• The Inner Critic part might judge your body harshly, repeating old Diet Culture messages, hoping that if it keeps you in line, you’ll be accepted and safe.

• The Pull Yourself Up By Your Bootstraps part might tell you to “just push through” and not need support, because relying on others once felt risky, and because societal messaging tells us that needing others makes us weak.

• The Rebel part might act out against rules, expectations, or even your own self-care routines, because it’s determined to protect your freedom.

• The Therapist part (this one is one of mine that might show up in a session with a client!) wants to fix, to be the expert, and to know every modality. It’s deeply connected to my perfectionist part. What it really needs is permission to not have all the answers or know all the things — to remember that presence and compassion are often enough, and that I can trust my clients to let me know how I can best show up for them.

Meet one of my younger parts! This is Little Kid Allison with her new puppy, Shadow, and with some fading temporary tattoos on her arms. One brown dog and several permanent tattoos later, Adult Allison is working through some of the beliefs that Little Kid Allison held. I'm offering Little Kid Allison so much compassion for what she was taught to believe about herself and about the world, and I'm working with her to let her know that she is not "too much."

Every part has a story. Every part has good intentions — even when its strategies are painful. For example, a part that criticizes your body may actually be trying to shield you from rejection in a world that prizes thinness. Understanding that the criticism isn’t who you are but a part trying to protect you allows for compassion and healing.

This shift — from judgment to curiosity — has been powerful. It has reminded me again and again that there are no “bad” parts. Even the parts of us that feel heavy, overwhelming, or destructive are trying in their own way to protect us. When we meet those parts with compassion, something softens. Healing becomes possible.

In my work with clients, this has opened up new pathways for self-understanding. Instead of trying to get rid of the parts that feel anxious, critical, or tired, we can learn to listen to them. We can ask: What is this part protecting me from? What does it need me to know? I've found that often, we can turn inward and literally ask it. It often is more than happy to let us know. And slowly, clients begin to experience what I have been experiencing too — that compassion for our parts creates space for more freedom, more peace, and more connection to Self.

I’m still early in my IFS journey, but already I feel grateful for what it is teaching me — not only as a therapist, but as a human being. The practice of welcoming all parts is not easy, especially in a culture that tells us to reject or silence the messy, complicated, or “too much” parts of ourselves. But learning that every part has wisdom and every part belongs feels like the beginning of something both radical and deeply gentle.

If this resonates with you, know that you are not alone. You don’t have to push away the parts of you that feel hard to carry. In therapy, we can make space for all of you — because every part is worthy of compassion. Please reach out today to set up a free consultation and to discuss if IFS therapy with Brown Dog Therapy and Wellness is a good fit for you.