Your Body Was Never the Problem: A Message of Anti-Diet and Trauma-Informed Care

As a therapist who works with folks who have been on every single type of diet, who have received every possible medical recommendation, and who have experienced every possible critical, self-judgmental thought, I often say, "Your body was never the problem." You might see this motto in big, bold letters on my website and wonder why this message is so important to me. It's a central tenet of my practice, and it is something that I so wish that every client (and every person in my life, including myself!) could hear and believe. But what does it mean? How can it be true in a world that relentlessly tells us otherwise? Let's explore this motto and how it helps us to envision liberation from harmful societal narratives.

Understanding the Framework

Diet Culture teaches us that our worth is tied to how closely our bodies align with rigid, unrealistic standards- standards that are rooted in White Supremacy, capitalism, and perfectionism. It reduces bodies to objects to be controlled, manipulated, and judged. This creates a pervasive sense of failure and shame when our bodies don't conform, even though those standards are arbitrary and unattainable for most.

If you grew up in the United States (or probably in any country, although I'm not an expert in growing up anywhere else!), you grew up amidst Diet Culture. None of us were exempt or spared from its clutches, although it impacted each of us differently, and some of us were better protected from its harms than others. For some people - myself included - the effects of Diet Culture have been long-lasting and traumatic, leading to decades of self-loathing and treating ourselves and our bodies as problems to be solved, using our bodies as our own personal self-improvement projects. Imagine what that does to a person's self-esteem when they spend their whole life viewing themselves as a collection of flaws that desperately need to be erased.

A Story That Might Sound Familiar

Imagine a client of mine- let's call her Sam. Sam was eight years old when she first heard that her body was "too big." Family members, with good intentions but harmful impacts, commented on how she should skip dessert, or how she probably did not need seconds at dinner. Eventually, she was enrolled in a weight-loss program where she went to weekly meetings with her mother (who was also dieting). She was taught to count points and equate her success with how much smaller her body could become. She began to internalize the belief that her value was tied to her weight, and that her "before" self was not good enough. She was perpetually waiting for the day when her "after" self would emerge, and she would finally be good enough, when she could finally rest and stop policing her body. As Sam grew older, this belief was reinforced. Doctors told her that her body size was the reason for her health issues, ignoring systemic biases in medical research in care. Partners suggested that she'd be "more attractive" if she lost weight. Job applications and interviews felt like uphill battles, as if her body was a disqualification before she even spoke a word. These messages came from everywhere, embedding themselves into her sense of self. And she continued to wait for the "after" version of her to emerge, waiting for doctors appointments and romantic relationships and job interviews to feel just a little bit easier.

Your body does not need to be a "before" or "after." Your "right now" body is enough, and you deserve to enjoy life in the body that you're currently in.

Over time, Sam's relationship with her body become one of mistrust, frustration, and blame. She felt like she was fighting an unwinnable battle, despite doing all the "right" things that everybody had told her to do, like exercising non-stop, restricting calories, and treating her body like a problem to be solved. And in all of this, she saw herself as the problem. "I must not have enough willpower. I must need to further reduce my calories. I guess I should up my work-outs to seven days a week," she thought, constantly blaming herself for failing to shrink her body. She was starving, exhausted, and so confused. Why couldn't she get her body to behave?

Why Your Body Is Not the Problem (and never was)

Sam's story highlights an essential truth: her body was never the problem. The problem was the relentless cultural messaging that she'd been forced to carry long before she was old enough to give consent. These narratives- that thinness equals health, that worth is tied to appearance, that bodies must conform to a single standard- are not only false, but deeply harmful. They stem from systems of oppression designed to control and devalue people.

What types of systems am I referring to? White Supremacy, capitalism, perfectionism, and misogyny, to name a few. Diet Culture upholds Eurocentric beauty standards and blames bodies that don't fit those narrow ideals. Diet Culture, and its lucrative "diet, health, and wellness industries" profit from making people feel inadequate, selling solutions to "problems" that the industries themselves created. Diet Culture demands constant self-improvement and self-monitoring, leaving no room for acceptance, joy, or rest. And Diet Culture tells us that our bodies are the most important, and most valuable, part of us. No wonder we are so focused on fixing them and making them just right!

When we say, “Your body was never the problem,” we are naming these systems as the true source of harm. Sam’s health issues weren’t solely about her weight—they were about the lack of holistic, compassionate care that her doctors were unable to offer her. Her feelings of unworthiness weren’t about her body but about a culture that devalues people who don’t conform. Her struggles in relationships and work weren’t caused by her size but by the biases and prejudices of others. And her experiences as an eight-year-old girl should never have happened in the first place. She should have been told by her grown-ups that she was perfect and loveable exactly as she was, that bodies come in all shapes and sizes, and that her body was the least interesting thing about her; instead, she was initiated into a decades-long pursuit of abusing and shrinking her body.

Sam, and so many clients like this composite example, came to me when she caught herself obsessing over her eight-year-old daughter's body, worrying that her daughter was "getting too chubby" and "won't be accepted because of her size." Sam heard the echoes of her own mother's voice and realized that she did not want to perpetuate decades of intergenerational trauma onto her innocent daughter. She wanted to let go of the stories- stories about her worth, her body, and her loveability- that had been passed on to her, so that she did not pass them on to anyone else. She wanted this trauma to end with her, so that her body, and her daughter's body, was no longer the problem.

You deserve to have a healthy relationship with your body, and you deserve to rest. You do not need to carry these stories any longer.

Does this sound like you? Have you experienced a lifetime of battling against your body? Maybe you're newly postpartum and are struggling with how your body has changed since carrying a baby. Maybe you've received a new medical diagnosis and are blaming yourself for "allowing" it to happen. Maybe you're gender non-conforming and feel like your body will never feel like "home" for you. Maybe you're struggling with physical or mobility limitations that make you angry that your body won't cooperate with what you want it to do. Maybe you've spent a lifetime dieting, unable to lose the weight that you've always wanted to lose so that your body could finally be "good enough." I know that you've been trained to blame yourself and your body, but I encourage you to pause and get curious about what it might feel like if you shifted that blame, even just for a moment. I invite you to try on this radical idea that perhaps your body is perfectly wonderful, exactly as it is, and that perhaps it was never the problem.

Healing Through a New Narrative

The work of healing begins with unlearning these harmful narratives. It’s not easy, but it’s possible. Here’s how therapy can help:

1. Recognizing the Lies: Together, we can identify the cultural messages you’ve internalized and start to question their validity. You are not “less than” because of your body. Your body is simply a collection of cells that's moving through space. It's remarkable as a feat of biological engineering, but maybe it doesn't hold all that much value outside of that.

2. Reconnecting with Your Body: Through practices like mindfulness and self-compassion, we can work on rebuilding trust and connection with your body as it is now.

3. Finding Your Voice: Therapy can be a space to explore how oppression has impacted you and to begin advocating for yourself in ways that feel authentic and empowering.

4. Building Community: Healing doesn’t happen in isolation. Finding supportive communities where all bodies are valued can be transformative.

   
   

A Message of Hope

Your body was never the problem. The systems that told you it was—those are the problem. The shame, blame, and pressure you’ve carried aren’t yours to hold. You deserve care, respect, and joy, no matter what your body looks like or how it functions.

Give yourself the gift of self-acceptance. You deserve it, and therapy can help.

As an anti-diet and Health At Every Size-affirming therapist, I will help you to unlearn the harmful narratives that you’ve been forced to carry, and to create space for a new story—one where your body is not an obstacle but a vital, deserving part of who you are. You don’t have to carry these burdens alone. Healing is possible, and you are worth it. Let me support you in this journey. If you live in Maryland or Virginia and are struggling with an eating disorder, chronic dieting, or body image concerns, you deserve support. Please reach out today to set up a free consultation phone call and to discuss if mental health therapy with Brown Dog Therapy and Wellness is right for you.