How do I know if it's Diet Culture or if I just like "eating healthy?" And is that so bad?

Reflections from an eating disorders therapist on how to investigate your relationship with safe foods and fear foods.

As an Eating Disorders therapist, I spend a lot of time working with clients on healing their relationships with food. This probably comes as no surprise. However, what I have found interesting is just how many of my clients without eating disorders also want to talk about and heal their relationships with food. The thing is: all of us, whether or not we struggle with disordered eating, are breathing the same air, drinking the same water, and receiving the same cultural messaging. Diet Culture is present all around us, as it works to propel the intersecting industries of weight loss medications, "health food," workout programs, and fast fashion (just to name a few). It wants us to think that it is a normal and unchangeable part of our society so that we don't question how we engage with it and then - gasp! - consider divesting from it.

When a client wants to work on improving their relationship with food, I will often start with a Foods Inventory List by exploring their beliefs about "good foods and bad foods." For different clients, this "good versus bad" binary might take the form of "healthy versus unhealthy" or "safe versus scary" or "permission versus guilt," so feel free to sub in the language that feels right in your own framing of your relationship with food. Typically, this binary will be laden with some sort of morality, where a certain type of food makes you feel guilty, scared, "bad," or out-of-control, and where a certain type of food makes you feel proud, "good," or absent of any of those uncomfortable feelings above.

Confronting Your Food Rules

Let's start by making a list. Take a moment to write down the foods you associate with fear, or the ones that make you feel guilty. Maybe these are foods that you associate with weight gain, feeling out-of-control, negative health outcomes, a certain group of people, or painful memories of judgment or shame. Maybe these are foods that you allow yourself, but only on days that you exercise, only if you eat them in private, or only following some other rule or contingency. Now, on the other side, list the foods you feel safe consuming, the ones that align with your idea of health, well-being, and morality.

The act of labeling foods as either good or bad is deeply ingrained in our culture, and these lists make up the backbones of our food rules and beliefs. We often inherit these from society, religion, media, or even well-intentioned advice from friends and family. But here's the catch – these labels are not one-size-fits-all, and these labels often harm us, sending us into black-and-white thinking and subsequent feelings of failure if we accidentally stray from our predefined rules.

Unraveling the Origins of Diet Culture

Our views on food are shaped by a multitude of factors – upbringing, cultural influences, personal experiences, and the pervasive presence of Diet Culture. Think back to your childhood. Were certain foods restricted or rewarded? Did you grow up hearing phrases like "don't eat that, it's bad for you"? These early experiences can leave a lasting impact on how we perceive food choices.

A quick anecdote where I'm going to get vulnerable: Imagine innocent, Baby Allison, maybe four years old and sitting in the basket of a shopping carriage, perfectly happy to come along on a grocery shopping trip with her mom. Sweet Baby Allison pointed to some cookies on a shelf and said to her mom, with an impish grin and a delight at her advanced understanding of the unspoken social rules of dieting, "Mommy, those aren't for us. They're for other people!" This story has been told and retold in my family for years as an example of the sweet and precocious child that Baby Allison was.

And let me be clear: Baby Allison was a sweet and precocious child, and this is not an indictment of her parents for committing some mortal parenting sin. Baby Allison had great parents, as does Grown-up Allison. It was the early 1990's, and everybody was dieting. This type of food messaging was everywhere, and adults could not have understood the negative impact that this messaging would have on children.

Diet Culture, with its emphasis on rigid rules and unrealistic standards, plays a significant role in reinforcing the "fear foods versus safe foods" dichotomy. We're constantly bombarded with images of "perfect" bodies and ideal diets, fueling our anxieties and pushing us towards restrictive eating patterns. But it's time to challenge these narratives and reclaim our autonomy over what we eat.

So let's return to your list. You made a list of "good foods" and "bad foods." Where did these ideas come from? Who influenced your beliefs? Are there moments that, upon retrospection, left a lasting impact on how you see food? Have you spent time properly grieving these moments?

Embracing Food Freedom

My goal as a therapist is to help you to develop more compassion for yourself, thus allowing you to build a healthier relationship with food and with your body. By acknowledging our fear foods and safe foods, we can begin to unpack the beliefs that underpin these labels and investigate if these are belief systems that we want to continue holding onto. It's not about demonizing certain foods or imposing strict rules on ourselves – it's about finding what works best for our individual needs and preferences.

An example: Maybe Baby Allison was taught that cookies are "for other people," or that she couldn't trust herself around them, or that they would make her gain weight and become "unhealthy." Grown-up Allison can look critically on this inherited viewpoint and ask herself: Where did this come from? What belief systems are underpinning this viewpoint? [Author's note: the answer is Fatphobia, Misogyny, Healthism, Puritanism, Elitism, just to name a few.] Grown-up Allison can ask herself: Do I want to continue carrying this baggage, or can I let go of it? Maybe I simply don't like the taste of cookies, or maybe I've taught myself to be fearful and distrustful of them. But until I look more critically at Grown-up Allison's relationship with cookies, I won't know where that dislike comes from. Doesn't Grown-up Allison owe it to Baby Allison to figure that out?

Don't let food be scary or spooooooky this Halloween season!

I'm not looking to debate the nutritional profile or health merits of certain foods versus other foods. This is merely an invitation to consider that you might not be morally bad or need to atone for eating a cookie, and an invitation to consider that Baby Allison might not have needed to hold such a moralistic, black-and-white view of cookies at age four. And that maybe, just maybe, Grown-up Allison would have had a more nuanced, less restrictive view of food as an adult, had she internalized healthier and less rigid beliefs about food in childhood.

As we continue on this journey of introspection and self-compassion, let's remember that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to nutrition. Each of us is unique, with our own tastes, values, and experiences. It's time to break free from the confines of fear foods and safe foods and embrace a more nuanced, compassionate view of eating.

Let me support you in this journey. Your body was never the problem, and you deserve to heal from years of uncertainty in your relationship with food, exercise, and your body. If you are struggling with an eating disorder, chronic dieting, or body image concerns, you deserve support. Please reach out today to set up a free consultation phone call, and to discuss if therapy with Brown Dog Therapy and Wellness is right for you.